Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
