I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
