I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
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You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
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No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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