hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
