Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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