I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
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