My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
