I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Randomize
