dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
