So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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