I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
