Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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