so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
