Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
