ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
