LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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