I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
