This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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