it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
