I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
