Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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