I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My bed is full of blood and feathers
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
