K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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