This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
