were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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