If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
