Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
