I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
