You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
