Can Purell be used as lube?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
