Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
