I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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