fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
