I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
why is half of my head shaved?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
