Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
