I've blown a few things in my day
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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