I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
