I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
