honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
