it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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