So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize