Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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