brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
