They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
