she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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