Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
