Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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