somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
