yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize