Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
