NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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