I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
