I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So much rum. So many feels.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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