the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
