so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
im six kinds of drunk right now
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
