bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
