Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
