I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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