so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
