Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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