Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
