you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
