I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
