I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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