It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Found the puke drawer
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
