Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
