How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
