I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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