I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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