you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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