better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
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