I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
