You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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