We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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