So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
