im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize