I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
