I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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